Buy your self some flowers & chocolate

OH look! It’s another made up holiday for everyone to seek outside validation!!

I get it. We all want to feel loved, appreciated, like we are that special someone in someone else's life… I mean, besides that... chocolate, diamonds, roses, perfume... isn’t that what all women want? *sarcasm inserted*

(can I just get some green juice and a 10 hour nap?)

There’s so much pressure to live this life on someone else’s terms!!!  Does this sound familiar?

  1. Go to college right after high school (validation from society)

  2. Get a “good” job (validation from parents)

  3. Find someone to marry and settle down (validation from ego)

  4. Have kids (validation from family/ peer group)

  5. Enjoy a measly 12 weeks of hormone induced, sleep deprived maternity leave before you have to go back to the soul sucking cubicle farm where you get to slave away until your 65, and then (next exit on the right... the never ending one way road called mom-guilt)

  6. Retire? or even… (wow life went by so fast)

  7. Get another job to supplement your income because you SHOULD be retired and enjoying life, but the way the economy is going and everything… (damn, this really sucks)

  8. Enter a midlife crisis because things should be different now because you followed the blueprint for the typical American dream (how's that for living life taking advice from someone else who is nowhere near you ever wanted to be)

I’m confused.  The above scenario might work for some people. I get it (ok, actually, I really don't get it... that sounds horrible!!) 

Here's what I DO get though... I get that it might feel safe and cozy to have feeling of security, the weekly income, the health insurance, the 401k with company match... but… if you hate it... then why are you doing it?

OMG why am I talking about leaving your 9-5 when I started off talking about Valentine's day!?

I'm glad you made it this far... it has to do with living life on YOUR terms... or someone else's terms.

We get so caught up in living our life with how we think it’s “supposed” to look like, or how our parents want it to be, that we forget, or even worse, never even realize that we GET to create the life that we want.

YES.

We CREATE the life we want.

Not happy? 

Change your thoughts. Those thoughts that you think all day, on autopilot… those thoughts that you were programmed to think since you were a child, before you realized you actually have a choice. 

Yea... those thoughts. Change them. But.. HOW? Think a different thought. One that feels better. Yeeeaaaa... it's that simple in the beginning.

Then… 

Change your behaviors. Those daily behaviors that you do all day, on autopilot… ya know… autopilot… how you can drive to work everyday without thinking or even remembering each and every turn and stop light. Or how you can navigate through an entire chapter in a book and not remember a word you read? That.

Start… where?

Within.

Start. Within.

How are you treating yourself? Do you take the time to listen to your body when it’s tired? Or do you push through because society tells us it’s cool to hustle 24/7.

It’s OK to rest! #1… listen to, and honor your body. It’s more intelligent than the rational mind.

Do you tell yourself that you are amazing, intelligent, badass, beautiful, and caring? Or do you look in the mirror and exaggerate every flaw you see?

It’s OK to love yourself!! #2… loving and honoring yourself is the fastest way to overflow love onto other people. How can you pour from an empty cup? You can't. 

Do you set boundaries and say NO when you need to? Or are you too busy pleasing everyone else besides yourself that it is literally killing you.

Say NO! #3… this isn’t mean! No is not a dirty word. If you keep saying YES to something or someone out of guilt or fear, set up a simple boundary. Yes, it may feel uncomfortable at first, but NO is enough. You don’t need a reason. No is a word, and also a full sentence.

How are you honoring your body? Are you nourishing it with nutrient rich whole foods? Or are you consuming large amounts of "bad mood" food? (Caffeine, fried foods, processed wheat, refined sugar, saturated fats) 

#4… treat your body the way you would treat anyone you love… with care, love, and kindness.

Hmm… how about this one… are you constantly looking for outside sources of validation to make you feel better? Things like… Facebook comments, Instagram likes, new clothes, new makeup, plastic surgery… 

What if… all the compliments that you seek from the outside, you start telling yourself, with that little but strong voice, on the inside? 

#5… tell yourself that you LOVE yourself, that you love EVERYTHING about yourself, hell, you even LIKE yourself! This isn’t vain, or narcissistic. Those behaviors are actually the opposite of what people think… true narcissistic personality disorder occurs when a person not only lacks empathy, but constantly seeking outside validation and admiration. It is MORE than OK for you to love on yourself!! This is not weird! If you don't love you, no one will love you!

Do you constantly judge yourself for not having enough, or being where you feel like you "should" be in life… or worse, judge others for having more than you, and being jealous that they have these external, surface items, and you don’t?

#6… give yourself some GRACE!!! Greatness takes time… the bigger the dream, the longer the time line. These overnight successes are, well, just not true. People who appear to “have it all” have taken years, even decades, to build their empire when no one was really watching.

Babe… 

It starts with you.

It starts within.

Self love, self talk,  self worth, self respect, visualization, connection with spirit… this isn’t a “place” you finally arrive at… it’s a FEELING that starts inside.

It starts inside, and it grows… as long as you nourish it with things that will make it grow. Things like positive self talk, positive self thoughts, respect and love for yourself.  

If Olympic athletes can use visualization to improve athletic performance, you can certainly use it to improve your life. Let's stop making it so hard.

Start with a vision for yourself, your life, anything you could possibly want, and do NOT put a limit on it because it’s not "reasonable".  Let your imagine RUN wild!!

When is the last time you used your imagination in a childlike way? 

Start there. Imagine if…

Now, think about the way you feel… imagine if… you felt the way you WANTED to feel… feel into that now.

What does it look like? 

What does it feel like?

Feel into it! Close your eyes… and let your mind drift…

Feel into this love… let it consume you and pour out of you.

Now… stop feeling bad if you’re other half doesn’t get you flowers on VDay… go out and buy your own damn self some flowers… and LIKE it!

No… better yet… LOVE IT!